I was 29 when my first child was born. He’s now 25. If I had known then that time flies by so fast, I would have taken advantage of every precious moment a little bit more. when that time is gone You can’t get it back, so treasure it.
My baby boy is now a man, and although it’s a good thing he doesn’t need mommy anymore, I miss those days so much. I know a lot of mothers with sons can relate to this.
Our son’s move on, and they don’t need to call us every day, or every week for that matter. But as a mother, I can’t help but be the one to make that call, to see if he is ok, because no one loves our kids like we do, right?
It’s funny to me, that I’m still adjusting to my son being a man. I just miss certain things so much, like the hugs he gave me when he was a boy, and the way he played in his mother’s hair, and the sound of his little voice when he needed me. Now I see a man who’s independent, strong and smart. These are things I’m so very proud of him for, but at the same time I miss that little boy.
So, when he does call to ask me the simplest question, I smile from ear to ear remembering that this man was once my boy and still needs me from time to time, even if it’s just to jar a memory, or to ask for a recipe, or just advice.
Now in his manhood, I am also faced with the fact that I chose his father and that choice cost him the role model, the mentor he needed then and now to follow. His father also suffered the same misfortune, but I have to say, that I am thankful that my son, is his own individual person. He is purposely choosing not to follow certain characteristics of his father, but there is still a need for guidance that a mother can’t give, that a father or a grandfather or another outstanding man can give.
Being a black woman raising black children is hard within itself in America. That’s why it’s so important to have a village around you of both strong men and women. Guiding with love, structure and a rooted foundation.
Fathers need to understand, it’s not just about paying the bills and throwing money to your kids. You have to be present. You have to be aware. You have to deliberately guide them towards a better life than yours.
My heart aches because I am now understanding the importance of a father for their children, son and daughter. I see the outcome of why it’s important. It affects us all when fathers are missing both physically and emotionally, or are physically or emotionally abusive.
I think we need to understand how this affects us as a person and in our relationships. Do you need counseling? perhaps. We honestly know deep in our spirit if we have been affected, and if you see that you are making unhealthy decisions because of it, I suggest seeking therapy. It can only help you, and free you.
Please lookout for my Follow up post, Daddy Issues, which talks more on how little girls are affected from their father’s relationship or lack thereof, as they become women.
Beyond Young 